Would you rather be alone than a stranger?
In today's yap, Kamala Harris joins me in a sit down to discuss Clairo's recent single 'Nomad,' leaving me with conflicting, critical advice.
But I’d rather be alone than a stranger / you’d come visit me late at night / I’d rather wake up alone than be reminded / of how it was a dream this time
My most listened-to song of July was Nomad by Clairo. The whine of the guitar joined by her vocals, ugh. It feels like a deep breath—further than my diaphragm could ever expand. One night as I belted the chorus at a red light, the fluidity of the lyrics disappeared for me. I guess multitasking does cloud my judgment. I actually wouldn’t rather be alone than a stranger, but it’s bars nonetheless, Ms. Cottrill. What does she mean? And why do I disagree?
In theory, dreams visit you at night. So do temporary lovers. At least my pride and vulnerability would be protected by my intangible dreams. Is my worthiness of love only confined to the night? Is yours? If I didn’t know you at all, sunlight wouldn't feel like withdrawal. If we were strangers, maybe I’d wake up with breakfast being the first thing on my mind instead. It’s giving Weekend by SZA—looking forward to the short time, if any, you get with someone you “share.” In this case, I share you with reality—(the truth?). If I were alone, I’d only look forward to the fleeting scenes of us I get each night.
I’ve never been a “don’t be sad it’s over, be happy it happened” person. I don’t know, I feel like I’m missing something.
Then I remembered Kamala Harris once said, “Whenever you’re dealing with conflict pull out a Venn diagram,” so I turned to her for her input.
Here’s what she suggested:
Ok, I’ll give it a shot:
I shared my findings with VP Harris and her nod of approval seemed ingenuine. I asked her, “What’s wrong?” Then, she got down on one knee and held my empty hands. She began: “What can be, unburdened by what has been.” Before I could come up with a response, she interrupted my thought train by frantically telling me she had to leave. As her Chief of Staff ushered her toward our studio’s exit, I asked her if there was anything else. “Google ‘Sometimes people will open the door for you Kamala Harris.’ Now, I must depart out this one,” she called out. The room erupted in laughter, Harris’ chuckle being the loudest of them. Anyway here’s what Google gave me:
It’s time to stop walking past the door. How will I see the other side? I get it okay. But…What if it’s locked? What if the door doesn’t want to be kicked down? What if the door actually really enjoyed being kicked down and it ends up being Top 10 best decisions of your life? What if it ends up being the worst? I mean, kicking is violent maybe we shouldn’t do that. Wait, but what if there’s a fire on the other side and the only way oomf can get out is if I kick down the door? But also, who am I to think I can do that? What if I try and then fail and then everyone is like damn that’s crazy and then a volunteer firefighter in the crowd who is way stronger and can actually dress succeeds. Even worse, imagine the girl on the other side puts out the fire and opens the door for the firefighter…Now I’m embarrassed and morally conflicted. Should I be happy that a person I love found love? Or (what I prefer) should I take it personally and sulk until I miraculously change everything I hate about myself? WE NEED TO THINK AHEAD PEOPLE!!! Fuck a Venn-Diagram, I operate like the Scales of Justice.
However, I am trying this new thing called maturity so I’ll try it…
On a less internally invasive scale of course
My co-workers have been encouraging me to get a new piercing (I work at a jewelry store). When the store gets quiet, we do styling consultations on each other and everyone collectively agreed my next piercing should be a conch. I brushed off the suggestion each time because I didn’t need another piercing. Of course, I wouldn’t mind one. I wouldn’t mind a lot of things. Today I finally caved and guess what I heard as the needle went through my cartilage…
I’d run the risk of losing everything / sell all my things / become nomadic
None other than Nomad by Clairo on the Sonos.
I ran the risk, I turned a dream into reality, and I pierced through a door. I didn’t think about losing the piercing once which I think is significant. I was more focused on its presence and I rarely thought about the pain. Although my ear doesn’t mind being alone, I sure do. So even after all this reflection I still would rather be a stranger.
Kamala was unavailable for a second interview, so now it’s your turn to offer your free two cents: